**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
