I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
