end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
