If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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