i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
