You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize