I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
