Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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