well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
