All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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