The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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