happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize