I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
