highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
