I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
