OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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