We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
