I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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