I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
