You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
