was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
