Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
