i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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