my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
pray to the hookup gods
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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