a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
