I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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