He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
