Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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