Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
