So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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