batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there's paper in my vomit.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
