hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
