yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
