I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
