I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
