i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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