The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
