go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
