I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
