She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
