Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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