Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
