Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
