is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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