when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You made out with two different species that night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
