I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
