Already got asked if we're dating
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
