It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize