if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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