he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
