I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
