we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
