His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
