No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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