If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
