ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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