just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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