he shaved USA in his pubs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
