well you can't waste a boner
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
