she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
