God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
