I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
