Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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