You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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