i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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