Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
