you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
