Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
