I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
