you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
