My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
