I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
PANTIES FOUND
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
