so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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