i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize