He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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