I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
