I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
